T.M

All of my Ramadhan had always been filled with her presence, physically or spiritually.

So much that she had instilled in me, in soft or reprimanding tone, that i know i most owe it to her for the person i have become.

Learnt from her most were the lesson on actual fasting and praying deeds.

The realization that i can no longer see her large warm hands on the pots and pans in our kitchen,the steady gaze of her deep-set eyes, her small body on the sajadah, her starchy clothing and her neat little room that smelled talcumy, bring me poignant grief and desolation.

But knowing that she gained shafaat with every lesson she taught me practiced, i know she is in a better place now.

To my beloved Tok Mek, Siti Zabedah M.Z,

 I am coping well going through this second Ramadhan without you.  I do miss our tarawikh together, i miss our subuh prayers, i miss your stories about Lailatul Qadar and other karamah of this holy month and i miss having sedate sahur & iftar with you. Terribly.. 

But what i miss most is your gentle nagging on my occasional ignorance. 

Living alone, reminders of all the things that really matter are all i need.

So again, i miss you.

I wont be praying by your grave this Syawal but you know i will wherever i am, whenever the thought of you comes to mind.

Allah will be kind to you. There is no doubt about it. 
Still, here's for you.

Al-fatihah.

Al-fatihah.

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"Jika memang masih bisa mulut ku berbicara,

Santun kata yang ingin terucap,

Kan ku dengar caci dan puji dirimu padaku."

-Jika/ Melly Goeslow