Enough

Ego:  How do i do it so the motive wouldn't look so obvious (whispering to self).

Superego: Oh i know just what you mean.

Ego: What?


Superego: Just don't do it okay.  It's not worth it.


Ego: Scumbag, you know how it feels but how can you just tell me plainly not to do it? You want it as much as i do, so please stop playing saint.


Superego:  Seriously you want to be that kinda person?


Ego:  Why should i be otherwise if everybody else has being that person ever since forever?  I'm the ego okay.  Surely it's understandable if i can't stand hanky panky.


Superego: It's just some hanky pankies. You wouldn't die from them. Why give a damn?


Ego: What irks me the most is the hanky pankies are much intended. They're rubbing in my face everyday i feel like i'd rather breathe in dirt.


Superego: Aww, stop being hyperbolic.


Ego:  And stop being such a corny moralist.


Superego:  You'll feel retched even before you could even accomplish it.


Ego: Ha, watch me.  Just watch me.


Superego: You're much too good for what you've given yourself credit for.  Hence this prolonged talk.


Ego: (covering ears)

******   

And i threw us into the flames,

Where i felt something die, cause i know that

that was the last time, 

the last time.

-Adele/ Set Fire to The Rain. 

Teng Teng

Kotak-kotak Teng Teng.
bagaimana jua formasinya: kapal terbang, rumah atau apa.
bagaimana jua mara: pemain dan lawannya.
Pasti kembali jua ke kotak mula.

Ke kotak mula.

Not so new year

Began this year with a haircut.
And nothing else.
Resolutions need not stated for the year, kept instead on the most retrievable part of the mind.  Mostly because all are recycled ones.  I'm not ashamed to admit this *hands on my shoulders and eyes looking skyward*.

One thing for sure, the end of last year was (personally) a blast.  

Though i don't feel brand new this year, largely coz i feel like it shouldn't be a year yet, plans for 2012 are aplenty.

One of it is to write more. MORE.  Mcm penah dgr kan harapan ini? Mmg harapannn.

I'm begging myself this time.  Like, really beg. (** ringtone handphone serta alarm clock waktu pg adalah 'Begging by Madcon'.  Speaking of self-indoctrination.


Happy new year to everyone, whether i mean it or not.
Yea, I'm juxtaposed, like that.

Teletoby

It's been very long since i last have a crush on a guy on TV.  But when watching the Season 1's finale of Pretty Little Liars recently, i have, once again, reduced myself to a screaming teenager. 

:@

Check out this clip from the finale.  I find Toby Cavanaugh a sweet sensitive sexy thing.  To fall in love again is to watch this.  Eceh.  If u have a thing for deep sorrowful dolphin-like eyes and imperfect facial features and geeky hair and gentle voice and contradictorily, six-pax abs, like me..well then maybe u'll understand. 

Finale clip 1

Finale clip 2 

I'm a happy worm.

:PP
:))
:DD

It is quite an experience going to the booksale today.  Firstly, it is the first time i ever set feet at Mardi's MAEPS.  Yeah, kill me already.  After what, more than 5 years living nearby? Haha.  And it's also the first time i get to ride their cute shuttle and loving every bit of it.  The ride is breezy and at certain point, it does feel like i've been transported to another far away place.  Like, seriously.  MAEPS is nice-looking but it's indisputably flat and well, rather empty.   So it feels rather surreal when a place as flat can be chilly and breezy to some point.

Okay,
Initially, I wanted to go to the booksale way earlier than 10am but i refrain myself because i do not want to appear over-excited and too book-wanton in front of my colleagues.  No one in the office is really as excited as i am, to tell the truth. Therefore when i arrive there at approximately 15 past ten, there are already so many people.  I, being rather suprised and grief-stricken, can only shout vehemently in my heart, "Woi, korang ni xde umah ker??". Like, very vehemently. Tension ok.  They all wear "seluar katok" indicating that they're not working.  Motif, i ponteng. Ekeke.

Still I got to parked my car in the first line of the parking space provided, only to find that i have to wait for the shuttle anyway to be taken to the hall, which, makes the berebut for first line parking spot rather pointless. Chet.  I do not have to wait long anyway.  The shuttles appear every 5 minutes from up the hill and i am all a-smiling seeing them shuttles been painted according to the animal, vegetable or flower they've been named after.  Like shuttle "Ikan" is painted all with cartoonish fishes.  They also have shuttle "Seladang", "Ziraffah" and "Burung Unta".   How cute is that? :D

I got to hop on one "Bunga Raya" shuttle.

Meet shuttle Nenas & shuttle Cili Padi.

Flat x? Flat x?!  Kalah KLIA.

Velcome! Velcome!

Although there are many people but the hall isnt crowded, which makes the book-hunting easy and convenient.  God knows that the MAEP hall is one gigantic place that i feel like my arms can get dislocated browsing around while carrying the books that i have chosen.  No wonder many bring trolley pasar malam. And the books, whoa.. i feel like buying all 1.5 millions of them.  There are some that i dont really fancy, but the idea of having so much book is just delicious.  Lazzat.  Period.

Kelazzatan.

The part that is not so lazzat.  The queing to the cashier part. At this point i have also bersila on the floor. Ada yg siap bawa bekal & berkelah. I am beyond famished at this point.

One of my famous purchases.

This much is all i manage to carry.  12 books altogether.  Thanks to my sanity and conscience that still managed to whisper i have but 2 hands. Lest i'll end up buying more.  Ni pon dah senget bahu berator. But 12 in one go is still the most i've ever bought in my books-buying record.  Like ever. So a tap on my back.

Before (vain n minta penampar. Biasa ni self-snap dlm toilet)

After (penat complete dgn effect dark circle).

Till another 12 books next week. 

Bye nk blk bc buku. membaca jambatan ilmu.

Big big bad Wolf.

I could be crying while writing this.

I had been waiting for it for weeks. I slept thinking biographies, ate seeing novels and fictions, showered feeling graphic comic pouring on me.  Scary, i know.   But that's just how much i had been anticipating it.


I thwarted myself from talking about it to another soul.  I was just too much consumed with greed i couldnt bring myself to even mention it to anyone; for fear that they would attack the Wolf first before me.  Thus, i confided only  in Aren.  My only one.  Huhu.  Our daily night calls ware filled with my revised and updated list of to-buys.  He got to listen only of my endearments towards them books, and sometimes this talk of insecurities if ever what's on my list couldnt be found the day i attacked the Wolf yada yada.  Aren could have already memorised by heart  my lines, my list, my budgeting. And of course, my devised and re-devised plan of the day.  Consequently, he'd became as excited and wish nothing but to have me at the Wolf soonest.  Ha-ha mengelat.  

Thus this morning, i woke up feeling giddy and light-headed.  I bathed and dressed earlier than i usually do.  I chose the longer route to work simply coz i wanna passed the hall where the Wolf would be held.  Seeing the signages of the wolf leading up to the hall gave me warm feelings.  What brought even better feelings were the bigger sign of "75% off" and "1.5 million books". 

Yes, everyone.  Yes! My favorite book sale has arrived today. At no other place but MAEPS which is just a stone's throw away from my office.  The.Big.Bad.Wolf.Book.Sale.  I am so gamed and ready to attack it at 10 this morning.  Watch me everyone.  Watch me...  (sambil mengelap-gelap hingus)

Wait till i come back to boast about the material of my dreams these past few weeks.  And till all in my embrace-i bid everyone ciao for now!

Boys from Mars, Girls from Venus.

Went to Abalong's to celebrate 2 of his children's birthday.  Both birthdays happen to be in Sept, with just 2 days gap. So Long had to, whether he wanted it or not, hold at least a small makan2.
The night after the small party, all my niece and nephews gathered in my bedroom to literally abuse my netbook (berebut nk main game).  I was about to sleep and couldnt care less.  Went to the toilet only to realised that i'd left my toothbrush at home.  I got back into the bedroom and announced,

"Okay.  Makteh tertinggal berus gigi.  Sape nk pinjamkan berus gigi kat mak teh, angkat tgn"

All the boys (3 of them) automatically raised their hand. The youngest siap ready to race to the toilet to show me which one is his toothbrush. And the eldest of the boys, eyes still glued on the netbook screen, simply told me which color is his toothbrush. Semua berlumba2 nk pinjamkn berus gigi.

But Fiqa, my niece, gave a cry of  "Euwwwww"  at both me and her brothers, all at the same time when everyone else was excitedly giving me instruction to go find their brush.

Now, why do i always complaint at having more nephews (than niece)? 
ha-ha. 

11 September

A date that everyone remembers with horror and sadness. The loss of innocent lives. The tributes and monuments and vows of “we will never forget”. Even here in my faraway corner of the world, I feel nothing but sorrow for the undeserving victims of that fateful day.


But what about the hundreds of Iraqi and Afghan families scarred by American ammunition on a daily basis? The loss of their children? The damages which were not limited to a pair of twin towers, but entire cities? Where are their tributes? Where are their wreaths and monuments of remembrance? Why don’t they have anniversary documentaries? Who “will never forget” them?

Are they worth less because they’re not as well heard as you?

- Melmaureen Rizal.

T.M

All of my Ramadhan had always been filled with her presence, physically or spiritually.

So much that she had instilled in me, in soft or reprimanding tone, that i know i most owe it to her for the person i have become.

Learnt from her most were the lesson on actual fasting and praying deeds.

The realization that i can no longer see her large warm hands on the pots and pans in our kitchen,the steady gaze of her deep-set eyes, her small body on the sajadah, her starchy clothing and her neat little room that smelled talcumy, bring me poignant grief and desolation.

But knowing that she gained shafaat with every lesson she taught me practiced, i know she is in a better place now.

To my beloved Tok Mek, Siti Zabedah M.Z,

 I am coping well going through this second Ramadhan without you.  I do miss our tarawikh together, i miss our subuh prayers, i miss your stories about Lailatul Qadar and other karamah of this holy month and i miss having sedate sahur & iftar with you. Terribly.. 

But what i miss most is your gentle nagging on my occasional ignorance. 

Living alone, reminders of all the things that really matter are all i need.

So again, i miss you.

I wont be praying by your grave this Syawal but you know i will wherever i am, whenever the thought of you comes to mind.

Allah will be kind to you. There is no doubt about it. 
Still, here's for you.

Al-fatihah.

Al-fatihah.

********************

"Jika memang masih bisa mulut ku berbicara,

Santun kata yang ingin terucap,

Kan ku dengar caci dan puji dirimu padaku."

-Jika/ Melly Goeslow

Alien

Boring dgn kemalasan.
Boring dgn kemelesetan.
Boring dgn byk benda lagi.   
Boring dok sorang, mkn sorng, sahur sorang, tido sorng, berak sengsorang.  Ya, kdg2 berak mmg memboringkn.  Keji. 

Boring dgn Facebook. Teramat boring smpi rs diri bodoh stil layan benda tu.  . Mmg seorg masochist. Sebaek msh ada sahabat2 baik utk dijadikn alasan kukuh.

Boring dgn blog ni.  Kosong, hitam, shallow. Superego slalu berkata, "delete!", tp ntah kenapa diabaikan dgn jayanya.

Bosan dgn perkara2 kecil, perkara2 remeh yg sering dibesar-besarkn.  Semua org sekeliling adalah magnifiying glass. Bygkn kepala mereka bulat, berkaca dan enlarging sifatnye.  Mmg rasa nk tumbuk. Kalaulah dulu belajar tomoi.

Boring dgn tag-tag dari peniaga online.  Ya, rezeki mmg harus di cari dan diusahakan. Tp kdg2 ia menjadi satu mcm nuisance yg sgt murahan & memualkan.  Kalau saja apa yg dijual adalah exclusive and one of its kind, maybe syaiton dlm diri akn lebih tolerant.  Motif.  Syaiton dlm diri katanyer.  Syaiton juga yg disalahkan. 

Boring dgn komitment2 yg menuntut masa- tenaga.  Tp nk bawa diri dok sorang2 dlm hutan , xde stamina pula.  Terasa diri loser.  Yikes.

Boring dgn lagu2 sama kat radio.  Nape la Malaysia xde channel antarabangsa. Takat Ryan Seacrest kat Fly.fm tu sgt xrelevan.  Beliau xappreciative pon dgn local muzik kita. Takat gossip hollowood kat Hello! pon boleh baca kott.

Boring dgn salah faham, salah anggapan yg berlaku hari2.  Boring dgn gossip-gossip liar & org2 yg suka jg tepi kain org.  Org yg anti social mcm i pon nk query.  Maybe i ada karisma tersendiri.  Kahkah.

Boring dgn narcicism.

Ini cuma barangkali internal conflict seorang alien.
Abaikan.